The Polls Are In
“You have a lot going on.”
“You just have to figure out yourself first.”
I feel like I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. Or maybe I am just actually listening now. But isn’t this always the case? In my perspective it’s always raining. Sometimes it rains chocolate and other times javelins. It can also vary from chocolate sprinkles to full on chocolate candy bars….and the same with javelins, but that just not as fun of an analogy.
This is essentially life. And yes I’ve been going through a rough patch, no doubt. But all in all it’s our perspective and how we react to the things we cannot control.
Although my realism can be interpreted as pessism, I am extremely idealistic. Maybe, even naïve. I think I put out a certain karma and it will be honored in this world. But you know what? That’s not true.
Bad Things Happen to Good People
Bad things happen to good people. Everyday. My dad always said to me life isn’t fair and I hated it, but I think it can be. I really want it to be.
I just moved not only to a new neighborhood, but to my own place. I was deeply looking forward to having my own place. I moved in and felt this sense of pride and inspiration because I now not only have a place to live, but a place to call home.
Not even after being at my new place a week, my car is broken into and other unfortunate events happen. I cant help but ask myself why. The rational brain wants to understand it; needs to make sense of it. But there’s no way I will ever know. But I cant help but ask myself was this the wrong decision to move and live on my own?
Then I shifted my brain to what I can learn from this experience. Here in lies my epiphany.
I’ve been struggling big time at work lately. I work at a children’s hospital as an occupational therapist and often work with children with extremely involved medical conditions that often leads to persistent hospitalizations displaying poor prognosis. And then add in sickness and death in my family. I’ve been questioning if what I’m doing is meaningful and purposeful. I’ve been questioning why does this happen to these wonderful beautiful children and their families. But again, there is no answer to this. But all I want is an answer. Yet, I get stuck in this thought circle like a goldfish swimming in a small bowl thinking he will discover something new.
This helped me not only realize, but accept that I have to be okay with not knowing and understanding. And I can feel in the moment, but being sad or mad gives the evil power. Bad shit happens to the best people and if we choose to feed it, then it will remain. But we also have the option to accept what is and rise above creating new meaning and purpose.
It’s a Choice
I needed the reminder. I chose to work with dying children. That will not stop happening unless I leave my job. Just because I am sad does not mean no one will die. But if I do my job and be an occupational therapist, I am giving the child and their family what they need in a difficult time by allowing the child to find new ways to be a kid by playing, dancing, and singing.
I can make this event an opportunity to destroy me or build me. I want it to build me. I choose that. I choose to help my patients the best I can despite that fact their time and quality of life is diminishing.
There’s no better time that now.